Aug 13, 2011

The enigma called Brothers !

A few months back we had a blog meet. Me, Shail, Abha and Ritu got together to spent a fantastic afternoon where a lot of good food was partaken of and the art of blogging discussed and ruminated upon.

 
But the star topic, a topic on which we continued to debate for a long time and have finally agreed to disagree on is the entirely unfair and bossy attitude of an elder sibling over the younger one. Ritu had also brought along Kid#2, her younger son, an extremely delightful young fellow who enthralled me not only by his quick wit but also because we both agree unanimously on the fact that as younger siblings we are poor downtrodden, long suffering souls.
Everybody else seemed unanimous on the decision that elder brothers or sisters are gifts from heaven (and in Shail`s case – elder siblings are not at all Bossy but rather gentle benevolent souls) but we both stuck to our guns. After all we were speaking from years of experience!

In my case my Brother is around 8 years older than me. Now 8 years is a rather long gap. Too long for us to be playmates but just right for him to boss me around.

When I was born, I suppose he had reached a stage where he was comfortably enclosed in his world of toy warships and cars and playing cricket or football and having the entire family revolve around him. Enter younger sister into this idyllic existence and he suddenly didn’t know what to make of me and how to fit an always whining wailing (his version not mine!) sister into the scheme of things. I guess the first few years went fine when I didn’t intrude too much upon his life but when I started school all hell broke loose. He was deputed to mind me for a few hours every week when mom had to work late and boy did he hate it! Like a lost puppy I always tagged along behind him and his friends and the poor fellows tried their level best to shake me off.

I guess somewhere while growing up, from hardly paying me a passing interest Bhaiya suddenly grew very much aware of my existence and discovered that I was the one person on this earth he could boss around. I mean mom and dad told him off when he was not behaving and I guess it rankled that he in turn had no one to boss over. Then his eyes fell on poor me! And there I was a sitting duck to all his lectures on how one should behave and study and generally act. I got a bit of respite when he went away to college but the interrupted program resumed during holidays. Not one act of disobedience or one stray remark would pass without a sermon. In my case it was really the case of “The Big Brother is watching you!”No wonder I was such a goody goody kid. With a teacher for a mother and a brother like him where did I stand a chance for doing anything naughty?

Off course we had vague notions of brotherly and sisterly love and affection for each other but I don’t think we connected very well as kids. There was simply too much of an age gap and the camaraderie that siblings closer in age have with each other as missing. Sometimes when I See siblings play together I feel a little bad, because I never really shared that with my brother.

So why am I moping around on this Rakhi? Why am I so upset that he is not here with me. I thought I had become used to sending him Rakhi through post and not actually tying it since we live in different countries.

Because somewhere down the line as you grow up, without you realizing it or consciously making it happen, Elder brothers somehow become the mainstay of your life. From berating you on lapses in good behavior they actually turn into someone you always go to first when you need a shoulder to lean on. You look up to them like a father figure, you ask their advice and horrors of horrors you actually follow it! And as much as you may deny it, a few words of praise or encouragement from them mean more to you than what anyone else could say.

They may not always be the first ones to call you on your birthday or to shower you with gifts or hugs all the time. You are still being scolded, you are still at the receiving ends of their moody spells, but then you realize that beneath all this is a love that nothing can ever ever break. You realize that there is so much more to a brother sister bond than just getting into escapades together. It’s a deep intrinsic bond, that can’t be explained. It’s just there. Like the air we breathe. It’s just there and it can’t be denied or ever broken!

He may have never told you how much he loves you or what an adorable sister you are, but deep down in your heart you know that when you need him, he will be there. And in the end, that is all that matters. Really !

15 comments:

  1. Nice writing tho I must say bonding between my Bro & me is more of best friend cause we are just 2 years apart. But yes the emotings are very true.

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  2. A very interesting read... elder brothers are nice I think... though I do not have any who I am close to ( cousins I mean )

    I should really ask my brother on what are his memories, and write about this sibling thing :)

    I am an elder sister, 6 years older than my brother...

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  3. What a delightful read :)
    I have an elder brother 6 years elder to me and I could totally relate to every word you wrote :)

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  4. @Navneet – Thanks ! Yes the emotions are always strong whatever the age difference !
    @Athira – Thanks and welcome here ! Yeah I am sure yoru younger brothers has many similar tales about you !
    @Dialogwithyou ! – Yes they are something aren’t they ! These elder brothers !

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  5. Nice post. :) I am an elder brother but more like a friend to my sisters as they are almost my age.

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  6. Ouch, you totally said it all :) As a second born I can sooo empathize with these thoughts. Great read, as always...

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  7. @ajay - welcome here ! good for you guys ! almost same age siblings are the best. Then you dont really need other friends !

    @whatsinaname - :) yeah we sail in the same boat dont we !

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  8. I remember the day we met and how keenly I was following the very interesting discussion between you and Ritu's Kid#2 and evaluating it in my mind from the perspective of my two sons. Though the Senior son is not an obviously bossy chap, I am was sure the Junior son would have had things to share with you both if he were present. (I think I mentioned some such?). So inwardly I was nodding my head and smiling to myself amused, when the realization suddenly dawned about my own elder-sibling-hood and the necessity to re-evaluate the whole matter. After all I am quite unlike the picture you guys painted. I don't buy your response either that that is what all elder siblings say. :P That is what every younger one says too ;) Ha, I consider myself lucky that my younger siblings don't boss over poor old me! Really! Don't go by the fire and brimstone in my blog page! ;) Those are life's lessons from later on :) My sister bit me! :O Ok ok, that was when she was two. But how does that matter?! ;)
    We have a saying in Kerala that elder children are dimwits and easily controlled. Sigh, I fitted (note the past tense) the bill perfectly :(
    Loved your post :) Here's to the brother sister duo!

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  9. @shail – Ha ha !! I was waiting for you to comment!!
    Peace! I am sure you don’t fall in the category of the bossy elder sibling :) There are always exceptions to the rule! Also I think it also has a lot to do with the age gap thing!
    Glad you enjoyed the post – wld love to hear what your younger son has to say on this matter though !;->

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  10. I will send him a link, let's see if he responds. ;)
    Me and sis are just 2 years apart. But she and my younger brother were friends and accomplices during childhood days. I had my nose in books and head in clouds most of the time ;))

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  11. @Shail - I can definately buy the nose in books and head in clouds part :)

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  12. Right I am the eldest male in my family and its been BLISS :) bossing everyone he he hee :)

    But One thing is that i am proud of in all my cousins and my sister's They are all so very respectful to me , I have never bossed them but I know that If i say anything None of them will ever say NO..

    WE have such great time when we all get together .. which reminds me its been 6 years now.. I shud plan to come ot india..


    Bikram's

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  13. Very nice post, I became emotional.

    I am elder brother in my family and have two brothers, and three cousin sisters.

    Sisters also have very important role in family, they shares the responsibility of mothers. The decorate your house, your book shelves and take care of brother's scattered room also. They can refresh your life with cup of tean and pleasant chat.

    Now, we have grown up, life have created distance, and we can meet occasionally, but they are always with us emotionally.

    I miss my sisters a lot. Sisters are blessings of God.

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  14. I am the elder one and my brother can't stop regaling my daughter with stories of how mean I was.

    But despite all the tears and the fights this is one bond that stands the test of time :)

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  15. I was the absolutely bossy know-it-all, Hermione Granger without Ron and Harry to humanize her. And I had a ball lording over all the littlus in the family. Unrepentant! Of course I took good care to stay under the radar of the elder siblings so that they did not destroy my power base :P

    What a lovely post

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