Sep 7, 2012

The one in which we go under the Knife !

I had some surgery two weeks back. Nothing major, something rather inconsequential but then knowing me, something funny is bound to happen to me even within the four walls of a hospital! 

For starters I am going through this stage of “I am a self-sufficient person and don’t need to rely on anyone” for quite a while (frankly for the last 15 years or so with no signs of abating). So to keep up this facade I decided I didn’t need my parents to accompany me to the hospital. The idea was to drive to the hospital, check myself in and the parents could make their entry once the surgery was over. Obviously all my objections were overruled and I was declared quite mad by the family. 

I was asked not to eat or drink anything before the surgery and that day of all days my bua (who had made a guest appearance from Chandigarh because she did not want to miss the momentous occasion of her niece going under the knife!) decided to make Paneer Paranthas for breakfast. The family sat at the table hogging as I sat there tapping my foot in impatience and trying very hard not to look at those absolutely delicious looking paranthas. In my humble opinion putting paranthas in front of a Punjabi and that too a hard core parantha lover like me when I can’t eat them amounts to no less than  first degree torture. 

Anyhow, breakfast was done with and we were ready to roll, with me driving and my parents criticizing me for driving too fast .I was in a rather irritated frame of mind and I swung into the hospital a bit too fast, almost scattering the guards and attendants standing at the entry. Now this hospital takes its duties on patient care a bit too seriously. It seems you can’t simply waltz inside and have your surgery. As soon as you enter the hospital you are put into a wheelchair even if you don’t need one - and there was no way I was  going to be wheeled inside when I could walk on my two legs.  As the guard opened the door for me, I saw an attendant ready with the wheelchair. Obviously not believing that this crazy woman could be a patient he asked me “Madam patient kahan hai”. “Main hoon patient” I snapped and bounded up the stairs while the attendant ran after me with vain attempts to put me in that wheelchair.

After the forms were filled out, I was settled in my room and then began the long wait for the surgeon. I waited and waited with my stomach growling louder and louder with each passing minute. After 2 hrs I was told that he was stuck in the surgery and would be delayed. By this time my father – never a patient man was marching up and down the room and muttering evil things about surgeons who don’t know the value of time. He at the best of the times is useless in all medical emergencies and was rather unhappy about being stuck in a hospital room with his daughter. The daughter meanwhile had resigned herself to her fate and was busy reading Kiran Desai’s hullabaloo in the guava orchard (a delightful book by the way – a review shall follow) and making valiant efforts not to think of food and water. But after a while even Kiran Desai was unsuccessful in diverting my mind and I had tantalizing images of crispy paranthas with butter, rajma chawal, pasta and chocolate cakes floating in my mind. I had one look at my father ceaselessly walking about and decided it was time he went home. Hell If I didn't have an IV sticking out of one arm and I could hoist myself out of bed in my food deprived state I would have gone home with them!  

Me: "Dad you should go home. You’ll just get tired sitting here. Anyway it’s time for your lunch I don’t think you should miss it." 

Dad: Nonchalantly patting his stomach – "No, No don’t worry I am not hungry at all. I had two Paneer paranthas for breakfast!"

What the *#%^&*!!

Anyway I finally convinced them to return home and they left after extracting a promise from the nurse to let them know as soon as the surgery starts.


Afterwards ..

Off course, the nurse forgot to inform my parents and I snapped out of the anesthetic almost immediately after the surgery – something no one had expected me to do. I woke up alone with a nurse patting my head soothingly and saying something on the lines of don’t worry your folks will be here soon. To which I responded, "No they wont, they never miss their afternoon nap". (Don’t ask me why I said that) Anyhow, the parents arrived soon after, extremely contrite and upset on reaching late. (yes, yes I am going to milk the situation and make them feel guilty for not being there for the next 20 years or so). 

The nurses at this hospital were very efficient except for one nurse who I am convinced was rather scatter brained and hard of hearing.

Dad had left and it was just me and mom in the room. Mom decided to use the loo. As luck would have it the lock was broken and she got stuck inside. I off course could do nothing to help her from my supine position on the bed. Finally I rang for the nurse. Enter this short nurse peering at me owlishly from behind thick spectacles. Although I was out of the anaesthetic I could barely speak at that time – so I croaked something on the lines of bathroom, mom, lock which this lady off course didn't understand. Finally she understood the word bathroom and thought I needed to go. So she goes towards the bathroom, tries to open the door, says Ohh andar to koi hai and walks off! The funniest thing is I could hear my mother’s frantic knockings from my bed but she didn’t hear a thing!! Luckily another nurse came in soon after and rescued my mom. 

The rest of my stay passed uneventfully except that the attendant once again tried very hard to get me into the wheel chair when I was discharged. Although I could barely walk, I refused, almost snarling at the nurse who said I would be more comfortable in a wheel chair. The poor staff was left shaking their heads after me as I hobbled out of the door. :p

44 comments:

  1. Hahahahahaha, Told you, surgery and anesthesia lead to rather funny situations.

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  2. Lol, that was quite an entertaining read Ruchira. And I concur about the torture thing. Eventhough I am not a Punjabi, paranthas are my favorite and it would be real torture if I am ever forced to watch people gobbling them while I twiddle my thumbs (or tap the foot as the case maybe).

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  3. hehe...i know hospitals can also be funny places at times :)OR rather "some patients" can meka any hospital funny :)

    Hope you feel better soon! Best wishes.

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  4. I am assuming you are already at a 100% after the surgery since you've written such a delightful recount!
    And, by God, you've described my parents! :D

    Btw, did the fam stuff you with parathas the next day?

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  5. lol!! That rescuing your mother incident is too funny! Andar koi hai! lol!

    Hope u r better now!

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  6. Ha ha..you found your quota of fun even there :-)
    Aah the paneer parathas..I am sure you demanded them the first thing when you were allowed to eat :-)

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  7. @PhoenixRitu – yes they do ! I was totally out throughout the surgery but I could hear people speak – and I tried very hard to hear what they were saying to each other in OT:)

    @shail – Thank you Shail ! I tell you that torture was worse than any surgery inflicted pain :P

    @LifeBegins – yeah trust me to turn every situation into something funny !

    @ Rickie –Glad you liked it and yeah parents tell me about them ! I still haven’t got my stuffed paranthas – can you beat that !

    @smita – glad you enjoyed reading it ! Yes I am better now !

    @Sangeeta – You bet I did ! But I still haven’t got them !

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  8. hehe That was such a funny account of your surgery. And, of course parathas and not allowed to eat -- just not done. I am a UPite and I crave my gobhi, mooli, aloo, methi parathas :). I hope that you extracted a lot of stuff from family while recuperating ;P.

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  9. Btw, I just love the header pic :).

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  10. @Rachna - Glad you enjoyed reading it ! And no I said in my earlier comment,they still haven't given me any parathas :P
    The header is from a pic I took in Ladakh !

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  11. @Rachna - Glad you enjoyed reading it ! And no I said in my earlier comment,they still haven't given me any parathas :P
    The header is from a pic I took in Ladakh !

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  12. U are a brave-heart eh :)
    Funny nurse there! Oh God, how could she not hear?

    U made me hungry for some paranthas now ;)

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  13. awwww hope you are feeling better now...hugz! Hospitals do bring out the not-so-normal side in many :)

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  14. I'm glad your surgery went off well and you have lived to tell the tale ;) and so humorously at that, Ruchira. I have lots of hospital tales to tell - but always as the attendant - thank God. Take care and recover well. ♥

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  15. Forget how good this blog is, and how I guiltily laughed at your situation, the description of those lovely parathas force me to ask you this...will u please call me home for some of those parathas when I am in Delhi next....PLEASEEEEE :)

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  16. a good read, nice to know that you have successfully described the serious moments in a funny way. Hope you feel better now.

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  17. @swati – Thank you and welcome to my blog !

    @swaram – I don’t know how she couldn’t hear ! but seriously she was funny – Now that I am home and can laugh back at the whole thing :)

    @Shachi – Thank you I am fine now !

    @whatsinaname – arree tu aa to sahi ! jitney marzi paranthe chahiye milenge ! Glad you enjoyed reading this !

    @Diwakar –Welcome here ! Thank you. Glad you enjoyed reading this !

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  18. @swati – Thank you and welcome to my blog !

    @swaram – I don’t know how she couldn’t hear ! but seriously she was funny – Now that I am home and can laugh back at the whole thing :)

    @Shachi – Thank you I am fine now !

    @whatsinaname – arree tu aa to sahi ! jitney marzi paranthe chahiye milenge ! Glad you enjoyed reading this !

    @Diwakar –Welcome here ! Thank you. Glad you enjoyed reading this !

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  19. We are supposed to be asking after your health and all that jazz but here we are having a riot reading the post.

    Good humour is always a good fodder for brilliant posts.

    Joy always,
    Susan

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  20. That was one entertaining post, albeit the situation being sombre. I could just imagine you looking daggers at the other eating their parathas :) BTW, who drove you home?

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  21. @Susan - If you cant avoid it ! enjoy it is my motto !
    @Zephyr- Happy you enjoyed reading it ! Mom drove us home :P

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  22. i remember eating a plate of maggi noodles just before a scheduled eye surgery, and they had to postpone it! :P i was 12 then!

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  23. :D

    Being a doc myself, and an aspiring surgeon at that, I could well imagine what you must have gone through. :-)

    Life inside the four walls of a hospital room/OT can be rather funny if you look at it from a different perspective. :P Too bad (and luckily) you weren't very conscious while the surgery was going on otherwise we would surely have much more interesting stuff to read. :D You won't believe that it's not always serious and quiet inside an OT while a surgery is going on. :P :D

    Apart from twisting and turning at the mention of the yummy foods you mentioned, I thoroughly enjoyed this post.

    Hope you are doing fine now. :-)

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  24. @Ash - Oh dear ! I am sure your doc must be quite upset about that !

    @Shobhit - Welcome here. How does it feel to hear a story from the other side :) Yes, I have heard that OT conversations can be quite amusing .. I could sort of hazily hear voices but couldn't make out much :)

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  25. Thank god you had a funny experience :) Hospitals give me the jitters..

    Looks like you are up and on your feet now.

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  26. Very funny! Paneer parantha- poor you :) Well, I guess you are feeling all better now.

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  27. haha...that was a wonderful read and I actually admire your sense of humor that even after the setback of not getting those yummy parathaas(i know surgery part was not that much bothering you at that moment:P ) you were able to pen such a wonderful post...:)

    BTW hope you are feeling better now and i wish a fast recovery so that you can have those yummy parathaas.

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  28. Heh,

    Nice post.

    Hope you are feeling better now.

    by the way I am maratha, dont eat paratha. stil.... you forced me to find hotel in pune and eat Paratha..

    -MD

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  29. @lazy pineapple -It wasn't scary at all !
    @Kusum - Glad you enjoyed reading it !
    @Irfannudin - Welcome here. Yes I am better now. Thank you !
    @MD - Glad you cld try paranthas !

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  32. What a way to describe a surgery! You did allow us a glimpse of Ruchira. It is a hugely reassuring piece about the one in which we go under the knife. Whatever it was, here is wishing you are well past that.

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  33. Such a delightful account and not even a hint of 'poor me'. Btw, you forgot to add when you got to eat the paranthas, finally. .

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  34. I hate hospitals but this post brought a smile and I just could not stop myself from commenting.
    So kya kya batora?? So feeling like a princess now?
    Take care

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  35. Loved the way you described the happenings during your stay for the surgery Ruchira!

    Oh yes - I think all of us have something to share about such incidences in life. And I can well relate to having to starve before surgery, especially when everyone else around you is eating things like Paranthas! I had to undergo one sometime back as well, and the scenario was quite similar, though my Dad was with me all through and so was my husband and kids.

    Glad you are well and over with it now. Guess you should take it easy and take the required rest, as they say that the recovery period takes longer than the main surgery. :)

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  36. Ha, ha...I hope you are enjoying paranthas now. Very interesting account Ruchira...Amazing how wit and humor can help in tense situations.

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  37. he he he he .. I did not have that good a experience .. in y case the doc said "its just one of those things".. will tell later

    but this one made me laugh and the incident well well well :)

    I would have just eathen the he he he

    Bikram's

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  38. @umashankar – Thank you !
    @Trishanka – Thank you
    @Purba Ray - Got them after a week or so of eating “light and healthy food”
    @Bhagyashree – Welcome here !
    @Harleena – Welcome here ! I am glad you enjoyed the post !
    @Bikram - glad I made you laugh

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  39. What an engaging account of going under the knife. Glad you survived all of it, including missing those paranthas that have left me really hungry after reading this. Going to be back to read more of your stories :)

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  40. LOL :D What a fun narration!!
    I can do with the Paneer Paranthas NOW!!
    Hope you are back in action!
    Take care! :)

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  41. @shivya - welcome ! I have travelogues coming up which you might enjoy !

    @Shilpa - Thanks ! I am fine now !

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  42. @shivya - welcome ! I have travelogues coming up which you might enjoy !

    @Shilpa - Thanks ! I am fine now !

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