May 26, 2011

The Birth of a Daughter !


So I was trying to work while impatiently waiting for the mobile to ring. A good friend and colleague`s wife was in labor and we expected a call from him any moment. Finally the call came with the very elated and teary eyed (with joy) new dad telling us about the birth of his daughter.
After we had spread the word around office and were generally talking about it another colleague said “Ab woh office mein sar utha kein nahin, sar jhuka ke ayega. Ladki hui hai na ! “(Now he wont be able to strut about the office like before. He will come with a bent head. After all he had a daughter !)
I told him “what sort of man are you to say such idiotic things - you yourself have a daughter, so does this mean tumhara sar ab jhuk gaya hai. I’d rather like to think ki tumhari daughter ka sir jhuk gaya hai to get such a father!”(What kind of person are you to say such things. You yourself have a daughter. You mean your head is now bent low after her birth. I would rather like to think that its your daughter who wont be able to hold her head high coz she has a dad like you)
To this he said “kya yaar society is like that change it first” and I responded “you are a part of society – you change first! “
Finally he said "c’mon Ruchira don’t you know how to take a joke !"
Well perhaps I really don’t know how to take a joke! That’s because I honestly can never find anything funny is such statements. They simply sicken and disgust me ! 
The very fact that we joke about such things means that such feelings and thoughts are still very much a part of our subconscious; however much we might prattle on about gender equality.
And what really pains me again and again and again is that even the so called educated strata of our society have such a mind set !
As we saw in this case too education really doesn’t help does it ! I wonder what really will help bring about a change then !

19 comments:

  1. i don't see what is so funny to be taken as a joke in such statements either. how can people be so close minded like that? it's beyond me as to why someone would take having a girl as something not to be too happy about. sucks...only if people with that mindset change.

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  2. :( It infuriates me when someone passes such comments and then tries to cover up saying its a joke!

    Even sadder that he himself has a daughter.

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  3. I don't think it is a joke or it is any any way funny. WTH, people expect society to change and give them notice to the effect before they can accept a daughter with happiness??
    No wonder that you were annoyed. I would have been too in your place.

    Let me go check out the link you have posted.

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  4. Those are sick people with narrow thinking...try to hide their actual thoughts in the name of joke...I still remember when one of my aunt's had a daughter 2nd time... her neighbor consoled her saying, "Koi baat nahi..." . sad to have such disgusting ppl in our society...

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  5. How can something that is wrong otherwise become okay when it is called a joke? How do they make such statements unless they do believe them and at first he tried to blame the society, when that didn't work, he decided to pass it as a 'joke'!

    And aren't jokes supposed to be funny? And now even if the father was happy, they can make him feel bad! My mother's favorite line for such parents has always been, Nehru had one daughter and Gandhi had four (or five?) sons, whose kids made them proud/carried the family name etc?

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  6. I pity his daughter for having to deal with this guy as a father...hope she sets him straight.

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  7. @Titaxy – That’s exactly what pains me – when and how will this people change !

    @Aathira – welcome here ! such things make my blood boil ! Say anything then pass it off as a joke and then tell us that we women have so sense of humor !

    @Shail – LOL at society changing and then giving them a notice about the change!! I was seriously annoyed. All joy evaporated! Spoilsports such people!

    @Pooja – welcome here! U r right about hiding their actual thoughts behind jokes ! Pathetic really!

    @IHM – I will use the Nehru line if something like this happens again! Amazing isn’t it –They say what they want, then when someone like me confronts them, first they blame it on society and then conveniently tell me that I don’t know how to take a joke !

    @MayBornGemini – I sincerely hope so too !! Really hope his daughter gives it back and gives it good :)

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  8. Glad you gave him a piece of your mind. Some people are stupid, and regressive. Agree with comments above, wish his daughter teaches him a lesson

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  9. Another case of a gender stereotype. At times men acts like a "Padha likha gawaar" (Educated Idiot).
    Someday this narrow valley of thought will broaden itself, someday.

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  10. Was that a joke? We will take decades to change attitudes...

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  11. If thats a joke the person doesn't have an effin' sense of humor.

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  12. Sad situation..
    Why the hell do men forget that the person who gave birth it him was a WOMAN..

    the person he married is a WOMAN and the person who will give him a SON instead of a daughter will also be a WOMAN..

    and yet STUPID people ..

    Bikram's

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  13. @PhoenixRitu – stone age regressive ! I swear I hope she gives it back to him !

    @Prateek – still waiting for that day !

    @Alka – I know ! I wonder when people will change !

    @Prats – you bet he doesn’t !

    @Bikram – well they don’t realize the importance of women that’s why they pass such comments

    @Scorpia – My feeling exactly !

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  14. First time in your blog. You have a very nice space :)

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  15. It is so sad that people like this still exist! And even worse that they can say things like this and pass it off as a 'joke'! A joke? I can't understand what is remotely funny about such 'jokes'! Loved what you said to him! Not just his daughter, anyone associated with him must be ashamed of him!

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  16. @Tan - thank you and welcome !

    @Smitha - well at least I am ashamed to know him !

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  17. when we were expecting all the aunts used to come and tell me that 'ladka hi hona chahiye' as if that is in our hands and what if I don't deliver a boy? I used to ask them-are you not going to love the baby girl or throw me out of your family ?

    And ultimately people forget [and in fact don't know] that a baby's gender depends upon what chromosome the male donates in the baby making. It does not depend on female..she any way has a XX pair :) So,if at all someone has to be blamed for it..it's the man and especially the men like your colleague !

    Even my maid who is not very literate believes that boys are of no use except taking the family name ahead and all that stuff..at the end the one who runs for help is the daughter...

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